Dolores Mary Cazares, was born in Alhambra 68 years ago in the days
when the majesty of the mountains were visible to the residents of the San
Gabriel Valley. In time, she was joined by her sisters Theresa and
Genevieve and her brother, Daniel. all of whom she dearly loved.
As the oldest of the children, Dolores cared for, worried about and
felt responsible for her siblings. In her personal notes she remembered
her childhood as one of challenge. As a sensitive child she found life
confusing; co-dependency was the norm and situations unpredictable.
Finances were tight, especially when her father was unemployed. He often
found it difficult to maintain a job. Dolores wrote that growing up in her
Mexican American family was a struggle.
But, it was also within this family structure that both faith and
devotion to family were nurtured. These elements remained with Dolores
throughout her life. She was always concerned for each member of her
family, and when possible attempted to assist them even through the years
of her own illness.
Angeles Arrien, an anthropologist and story teller, speaks of the
longings that reside within everyone, longings that call individuals to
that place where the heart is at home.
Dolores’ journey throughout her adult life was a search. She searched
for that place where her heart could be at home and at peace. Her path was
marked with mountain highs and very deep valleys.
She was educated by the Sisters of the Holy Names at St. Anthony
Elementary School in San Gabriel and then at Ramona High School.
Scholarships made this possible. Dolores was always grateful for the
Sisters’ interest in her during her formative years. She was impressed by
what she termed "their selflessness and dedication." She was drawn to
their "humanness and joy" that she felt "balanced the spiritual and
sacrificial element of their lives."
Dolores did not always feel at home during her years at Ramona, in
spite of the gracious concern of the sisters. Her Mexican-American culture
and her family issues placed her apart at times. But the dedication and
love exhibited by the sisters gave her support and courage in the hard
times.
During the senior retreat at Ramona Dolores felt a call to religious
life.
And so it was that after graduation and the day before her birthday,
Dolores journeyed to Los Gatos to begin her commitment with the Sisters of
the Holy Names. Her sense of belonging and finding a place of peace was
challenged throughout the years of novitiate. For her the experience was
"deeply painful."
She actually came to a decision to leave the community when she
received word that her sister, Theresa, was about to enter. Dolores
re-thought her options and decided to stick it out for the benefit of
Theresa. As fate would have it, illness made it necessary for Theresa to
leave the community before her first vows. Dolores was devastated. She was
concerned for her sister while at the same time she continued to question
her place.
Because Dolores felt unsuccessful as a teacher, she once again found
her soul in a desert of despair. When she sought counsel regarding a
dispensation, she was advised to seek additional counseling for
depression. As a result, she chose to remain and continued her journey as
a Sister of the Holy Names though her heart was still not at peace.
When she was offered a National Science Foundation grant, Dolores
accepted it in order to obtain a Masters in chemistry from the University
of Notre Dame. While engaged in studies, Dolores imagined and planned her
request for a dispensation. Her struggle with her place in the realm of
everything continued.
But, as Dolores would later say, God had other plans.
She was encouraged – or as she said, she "was coerced" into attending a
Charismatic Prayer Group on campus. Reluctant at first, she found herself
opening to the experience. Her longing to be at home and at peace found a
place in the charismatic prayer movement. She found her participation to
be a life changing experience.
However, all was not a bed of roses. Her enthusiasm and zeal for her
new form of prayer, her commitment to the meetings, and her desire to
share her experience of God were not always well received. Later she would
admit that she came on too strong in her enthusiasm to share her new hope.
However, Dolores was undaunted. She reached out to young adults through
retreats and prayer. She availed herself of every opportunity to grow
spiritually and to immerse herself in the study of scripture.
After thirteen years of struggle and unhappiness, Dolores was facing
life with new hope. It was during this time of hope and new found love of
prayer that Dolores had the opportunity to study the art of spiritual
direction at the Pecos Benedictine Monastery in New Mexico. In this
environment she found herself encountering another life changing
experience. The office and the monastic life style called to her heart.
Dolores requested a leave of absence to participate in a new Benedictine
foundation, a monastery for men and women in San Luis Obispo. Here was yet
another opportunity for growth. Dolores admitted that much of her growth
in this Benedictine community came from the challenges she encountered.
Rose gardens are not always what one expects.
While she was learning about herself, the Benedictine tradition, and
how to truly live the monastic experience, she had the opportunity to
study at the Pacific Graduate Institute in Carpenteria. While earning her
Master’s in Counseling she was influenced by the eclectic approach of the
Institute. During this time Dolores was also learning more of her
Native-American heritage. She added new dimensions to her role of
spiritual and retreat director. She integrated Catholicism, charismatic
and contemplative prayer, Native American traditions, along with a bit of
Tai Chi and Chi Gung into her presentations. Our Lady of Guadalupe and
Medjugorie shared the stage with Buffalo Woman.
Dolores did not limit herself to only the culture and traditions of the
Chumash but borrowed from other tribes as well. Whatever could bring God
to her retreatants was what she used. She brought tobacco, oils, herbs,
prayer sticks, dream catchers, shells, feathers and holy water to her
rituals, all the while deepening her own identity.
Dolores returned to the community after her leave of absence and found
anew her place as a Sister of the Holy Names. She brought her gifts to
many groups.
She lectured within the charismatic community, and was a spiritual
healer for many. She facilitated numerous days of recollection and
retreats for various groups, and she assisted anyone who came to her door.
She listened to their stories and concerns, often lifting the spirit of
her visitor through prayer.
She brought her counseling gifts to the students, parents and faculties
of the schools she served. However, it was Mary, her friend and soul mate,
who saved her when it came to the paperwork required of school counselors.
Annually, Mary’s trip from New York to visit Dolores was scheduled around
the dates when reports were due. Being a counselor herself, Mary would
save the day. Dolores was gifted in many things but detail and paperwork
were not her strong suit.
I would be remiss not to mention that in addition to nourishing the
spirit. Dolores also had a gift for nourishing bodies as well. This she
did through the dishes she prepared for others. She would bring family
favorites to share at meetings. If a main dish did not appear, then it was
her decorated cakes that were brought to the table. Body, mind and spirit
were given full consideration.
Though Dolores was able to touch the hearts of many, she often
accomplished the task in pain. Her body was compromised by multiple
medical conditions.
Bit by bit her body robbed her of her physical abilities. But her
devotion to prayer, her love of family and her love of her God never
wavered. During her last illness Dolores was hopeful but was also able to
say that "the time is coming for me to go home, home to God".